Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Waiting

Yesterday I went to my 39 week checkup. For those of you who don't want the gory details of a pelvic exam- stop reading now. :)

I think this was the only time I'll ever be excited about getting an exam from the OB-GYN! I have been very curious for the last few weeks to see if there is any progress toward delivering this baby, so I was actually kinda looking forward to it. Much to my dismay I am not dilated at all. Not even one measly centimeter. Ugh. The appointment overall turned out to be a little emotional and scary. My doctor sent me to have an ultrasound after measuring my belly and finding that I measured small. Which could have either meant he was not very big or he didn't have much amniotic fluid left. I immediately freaked out, of course. I was excited to be having the ultrasound so that I could get a little peek at my babe but I ended up barely being able to look at the screen because I was on the verge of passing out. That's what happens to me when I panic. I sweat, my mind races, I can't get a grip and I pass out. I couldn't think why on earth, the baby of two tall, not small people would be small. I was really scared for him- for us. But, everything ended up being fine. In fact, my doctor was completely off. Our little baby is actually quite a BIG baby. He already weighs 8 pounds!!! And showing no sign of moving out until at least his due date or possibly later. Also, he has plenty of amniotic fluid. I was really relieved to hear the good news but it took me half the morning to mentally recuperate. As I sat there waiting to hear the results of the ultrasound, I wondered how many times in his life I'd be worried out of my mind for his safety. I thought about how I really needed to be a strong Mom for him and handle it. I thought about how much I love him and desperately wanted him to be ok. I am so thankful he is. This Mom thing is gonna be tough.

So, I feel like the last couple of weeks has been loooong! I really don't want to rush him getting here but I am feeling really anxious. I am curious when I will go into labor, what it will feel like and how I will handle it. I am a little scared. I am also excited about meeting him.

4 comments:

  1. ME TOO! I am the exact same...I freak out, mind races, can't get a grip and I pass out. It's terrible! I'm sorry you got panicky! I did the same thing at 38 weeks when they couldn't find her heartbeat. Ended up that she had moved positions because she was ready to come out (I went 9 days early)but it scared Tommy and me to death. Then my heart was beating so loud that they had no chance of finding hers! It was a scary couple of minutes. When they finally located it it was strong and steady and I was lightheaded with relief. Still to this day, the sound of her little heart beating makes me woozy. Motherhood is worrisome alright....but it is so incredibly amazing!
    I am jealous of you this week. It is the most exciting thing you and Bryan will ever do. Savor each moment of anticipation!! I can't wait until I get the call that little Cooper is on his way. Be strong and get that epidural when you pull in the parking lot! Love you!

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  2. yup you're a mom alright. worry, worry. its crazy how much it can scare you being a parent. its such a mental challenge. all well rewarded of course! i used to think that as soon as i saw him i would feel better and not worry as much. yeah totally not true, it gets worse, lol. but ive found myself also stepping back and letting him take the risks. And while I am so excited to be pregnant again, I must admit I am pretty jealous that you about to see yours, mine is still alot like a tadpole.

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  3. OMG. You should have called me! I'm actually keeping my cell charged and on these days in case you need me, so feel free to call. Except don't need me this weekend, cause I'll be out of town. So, you hang on until then.

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  4. Anonymous3:09 PM

    This isn't the first time you will be worried. It's really scary. They are so quiet when they sleep. You have to get up and go look at them. You have such good mother instincts though. I know you will be so good. I can't wait to see that little fella. ~Beki

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