Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Goodnight Train

"In bed at last. Tucked in and snug. The engines snores a final chug." As one of Cooper's favorite books says, here I am, at last. It's been one of those days. You know, the kind that starts out all wrong, continues all wrong, but maybe ends a little bit ok. The kind of day where I wish I could go back, erase all the angry moments, the yelling, and the little (big) fights between me and Cooper. I'm not sure what it was about today, but I did not do my part as patient mother today. It started with waking up a tad too early after a not-so-restful night's sleep and then an early morning battle over wether or not a nose syringe could in fact be a toy. I feel ridiculous even typing that because normally, YES a nose syringe is indeed a toy. But not today. I didn't feel like picking up the shredded syringe an hour later after Cooper would have, no doubt, left it laying around for Sadie to devour. So I said no. And not gently. Like I sometimes do when my patience wears thin. I just wish it hadn't worn so thin, so early. That was NOT his fault. It was mine. And so the day continued, with both of us acting like two-year olds. I'm suppose to be the adult, right? I'm not sure why but some days I just can't climb up on top and see what really matters most. Like being a thoughtful, respectful and patient mother to Cooper.

And tonight, just as I excused myself from the nighttime routine, to put myself to bed early, Cooper brought me "our" book (My Truck Is Stuck). Momma read (sounds like from his lips- "amomma wreah"). And my heart is simultaneously melting and breaking into a million pieces. He's so forgiving, so adorable, so elastic. It's like all of the yuck from the day never even happened. He's moved on. So I read, and I try to move on. The anger has all washed away and I'm sitting there holding him, breathing through the hair on top of his head. Loving every bit of him. I can't imagine why on earth I'd ever raise my voice at my little guy. The reality is, is that it happens. Because I get tired, frustrated or stressed. Real or imagined. And the impatient momma comes out.

I'm grateful for the bedtime that we had this evening. Thanks for being so forgiving, little man. Tomorrow is another day. And I promise that I will always keep trying to be a better Mom than I was today, yesterday or the day before that. I love you.

You. Adorably eating a pah-ooh-oohl.


  1. totally understand mama. totally.

    i am always amazed at how they bounce back so quickly, and here i sit, stewing and not being able to let go...clearly i am the two year old :)

    hugs to you mama and hopes of a sweeter day tomorrow - xoxo

  2. i loved this post. sometimes i think i am stuck in the terrible twos myself. i'm always rushing the kids...and i find myself annoyed when they don't hurry up to my speed. then at night, i could curl up in the fetal position and bawl. i silently beg them for forgiveness while we rock...knowing that they've already forgiven. they are amazing.

  3. I. love. this. post.

    We've all had those days, and you're right. They are so forgiving. I have had many a night where I pray to be a better momma tomorrow... and I know I will many more times to come.

    Tomorrow will be a better day!

  4. All right mommas. Let's ring this in a little bit. Sure, these little monkeys can get the best of you, but it isn't ALL your fault. Really.

    Some of my frustration with Cooper is that I think I can control the situation. "If only I had kept my cool, everything would've been all right." "If only I gave him a stern 'no' and stuck to it..." Uh, not likely. He probably would've been in the hospital. And I really don't want to make that call to Jennifer - never be able to live that down.

    Anyway, we are raising smart dudes and dudettes that know how to push our buttons. They are manipulating us just like we try to manipulate them. And sometimes - they win! I hate to admit it at the time, but I'm kind of glad my 2 year old pulls one over on his dad.

    I'm not trying to preach here. I just see my wife giving herself a hard time IRL and on the blog and I'm trying to lend some support. Baby, some of the greatest leaps in our relationship have come about because you had enough, because you started yelling and because you drew a line in the sand. I can speak for Cooper (since all men are children) and say "go ahead, give it your best. And when we laugh at you, we're not mocking you, we just think your mad face is funny."

    Keep trying to be a better momma. I'm trying to be a better dad. But cut yourself a little slack - sometimes flying off the handle is the 100% appropriate response. Love you.

  5. I'm a little behind catching up on your blog, Jennifer - sorry! But these last three posts are just fantastic. Thank you for sharing yourself so candidly.

    And B, I think I'm going to print this off and put it in my office for inspiration. You two are such great communicators, and so patient and supportive. It's really inspiring.

    I love you guys.